Because of their still-developing emotional management skills, teens are even more likely than adults to have frequent episodes of emotional hijack. You will recognize it immediately when an innocent comment of yours is met with anger. When you hear the words “you always” or “you never”, your teen is in hijack. As you may recall from past articles, emotional hijack is a fight or flight reaction, and in teens it is very likely to result in arguments with high levels of emotion. For a refresher on hijack, and the brain chemistry that creates it, read the post titled,”I Feel Therefore I Am”, October 25, 2007.
In hijack, the brain assigns a strong emotional charge to incoming information. This charge is based on emotional memories, and depending on the memory, can create a situation where loss of emotional control is likely. When a teen is in hijack, that’s your signal to stop talking and wait for her to calm down. Teach your child about hijack. Give her written information on it, and talk about how to stop it. Agree on a signal you will give when one of you recognizes hijack in the other. Practice strategies such as breathing or mental math, which interrupt hijack and allow the thinking brain to gain control. This is a valuable gift you can give your child; one which will allow her to grow in emotional self-control. It will also help both of you avoid arguments.
Filed under: coaching adolescents, communications, emotional intelligence, leadership, parents as coach | Tagged: coaching skills for parents, coaching teenagers, communications, emotional hijack, emotional intelligence for teenagers, parenting, raising future leaders, teenagers
