There Comes a Point When Parents Must Step Back and Allow Our Teenagers to Handle Some Things On Their Own.
It is natural for a teen to want autonomy, and it is your job to show him the way. Prepare your teen for the life ahead. Teach him how to buy groceries, purchase his own clothing within a budget you set together, and do his own laundry. Allow him to make independent decisions using good judgment. Those small decisions will pave the way to the larger life decisions he’ll be required to make later on.
Independence Is A Gradual Process
This is not to say that an older teen should expect to do whatever he wants to do. He will meet boundaries in every part of his adult life, and he’ll need to live within them. You should make it clear that he must live within the boundaries you set while he lives in your house.
Let Your Teen Learn About The Consequences of Poor Decisions
Just as your teenager expects to reap the benefits of the good decisions he makes, he must also be prepared to deal with the results of bad decisions. If he decides to drive too fast, or park in a no parking zone, he must also be prepared to pay the speeding or parking ticket with his own money. If he spends all of his money and has none on a night his friends are going to the movies, he shouldn’t be able to squeeze more money out of Mom or Dad. He’ll need to make other plans that don’t require him to spend money, or stay home. If he decided to ignore his alarm clock and gets to school late, he will also need to be prepared to do the Saturday detention. He needs to understand that he is responsible for the consequences of his actions. It is very difficult to watch a well-loved child suffer the consequences of a lapse in judgment. But we must resist the urge to step in and fix things if we want our teenagers to become responsible and independent adults. Make clear agreements with your child, be sure he knows how to uphold his part of the agreement, and then allow him to deal with the results.
Filed under: coaching adolescents, communications, emotional intelligence, leadership, parents as coach | Tagged: coaching skills for parents, coaching teenagers, communications, decision-making, emotional intelligence for teenagers, independence, parenting, raising future leaders, teenagers
